“So rock-a-bye baby, come and rest. You’ve been tired lately lay your head down. Don’t you think baby I know best, I’ve been a Father for a long time.”
Cecie’s Lullabye by Stephany Gretzinger
Here. This moment. This counts in eternity…
These words resonate in my spirit as I sit in a dark room rocking my big bundle of baby to sleep. Last night he cried for two hours straight and nothing could calm him. He wants to be in his mama’s arms. The world seems to pass by and all I can do is sit, breathe and surrender all of me. Every mother has been here. As I sit rocking my 15 kg special needs baby fear starts gripping my heart as I think of the countless other babies that I have asked God to send. Sick babies. Dying babies. Am I enough? And then peace settles over my heart and I hear the words “You are not enough, but I AM.”
I often hear people say that if your dreams don’t scare you they are not big enough. Well, my dreams scare me. The more I think of what we are saying yes to, the more I am overwhelmed. This last week alone three severely disabled babies were referred to us, all needing a home, needing love. We turned away all three of them because they were not palliative and needed longterm care – care that we cannot provide right now, but possibly one day Lord? Right now my arms are preparing to cradle a little boy not expected to survive more than a few months. And I feel Him say “This matters”. In terms of eternity, this counts. Loving the lonely, the sick, the dying. “This matters.”
And yet I sit with my own baby who is nearly three years old and still cannot walk or talk. Are we failing him? Fear always tries to sneak in as we embark on new adventures in Christ. I need to trust that God will direct our path and that He will increase our capacity as a family and organisation to love and care for our own family as well as the family that He adds. The fear is there, but the peace that He provides permeates every part of my being. And so I will hold on to this peace. I will cradle the one in front of me and I will not allow fear to cloud my love for those who God places in my arms right now, and I will rest in the knowledge that He cares for me.
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me.”
Matthew. 25:40 (NIV)